- Aries: swearing profusely, throwing their controller at the TV when they lose
- Taurus: are actually really good but their fingers keep getting stuck to the controller from the food they were eating before
- Gemini: talking themselves through the entire thing
- Cancer: beating levels 1-4, then getting stuck on level 5 and never picking up the game again
- Leo: boasting to everyone how good they are and then dying in 2 seconds
- Virgo: instead of fighting enemies, they run away from them and try to find a place to hide
- Libra: pushing random buttons and hoping for the best
- Scorpio: yelling angrily at all the characters on the screen and crying with delight every time they kill someone
- Sagittarius: finding the easiest way/lowest common denominator to advance to the next level
- Capricorn: trying to get every little coin and a 100% perfect score before advancing to the next level
- Aquarius: like a BO$$. No other words needed.
- Pisces: not achieving any of the missions just exploring everything and getting to know the game universe
